Being in a relationship is not a walk in the park.
Some might think that once you say "I do," whatever challenges you had while dating will magically disappear, replaced by effortless bliss.
But the truth is, marriage and long-term partnerships often bring a new set of hurdles. It takes more than just love to navigate these complexities and build a truly thriving relationship.
How to make a relationship last?
Through years of counseling hundreds of couples, witnessing relationships flourish and falter, we've discovered that great relationships aren't a mystery.
They're built on key components that build a lasting relationship—let’s go over them.
#1 - Willingness to grow and put in the effort
Which mindset do you bring to your relationship? Are you expecting to be served, or are you ready to learn, grow, and put in consistent effort?
A growth mindset in a relationship means actively choosing to nurture the connection, both individually and as a couple.
This translates into putting in the work, even when it's inconvenient. It means prioritizing date nights amidst busy schedules, learning to communicate effectively even when uncomfortable, and actively addressing issues rather than avoiding them.
It also means embracing continuous learning by being mindful of their evolving thoughts and feelings. You should never assume you know everything about your partner, regardless of how long you've been together.
#2 - Self-reflection
Let's face it, it's tempting to zero in on our partner's flaws. When things go wrong, it's easy to think, "If only they'd listened to me..." or "If only they weren't so this or that.”
Some of us immediately jump to criticize what went wrong on our partner's end, but not what we could have done differently.
Successful relationships start with a good, hard look in the mirror.
This kind of self-reflection goes beyond simply acknowledging that you're not perfect (we all are!). It's about digging deeper and asking yourself some truly uncomfortable questions. "What was my part in that argument? Did I listen to what they were saying, or was I just waiting for my turn to talk?"
The point is to identify your own faults –those behaviors and reactions that contribute to relationship friction – and how you can fix them.
#3 - Understanding individual needs
Relationships are composed of two distinct individuals, each with their own unique needs, desires, and perspectives.
The golden rule, therefore, is to never impose your preferences on your partner.
What works for you might not work for them, and vice versa. A thriving relationship requires understanding and respecting these differences, rather than trying to force one person to conform to the other's expectations.
This also includes knowing your partner’s love language. There are 5 primary love languages, As stated by Dr. Gary Chapman:
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Receiving/Giving Gifts
Quality time
Physical Touch
Understanding your partner's love language, and expressing love in that language, is key to making them feel truly seen and cherished
#4 - Small yet meaningful gestures
Forget the grand gestures and extravagant displays.
While those can be nice, it's the small, consistent acts of kindness and thoughtfulness that truly nurture a relationship.
Think about it: a surprise cup of coffee in the morning, a genuine "How was your day?" followed by actual listening, a quick text to say "I'm thinking of you," or offering to take out the trash when your partner is swamped.
These seemingly little things, done consistently, speak volumes. They show that you're paying attention, that you value your partner's well-being, and that you're invested in making their life a little bit easier.
A small, heartfelt act can often have a much greater impact than a large, impersonal one.
#5 - Focusing on the positive
It's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day stresses of life and, unfortunately, it's often easier to focus on the negative aspects of our relationships too.
You might dwell on your partner's minor annoyances, rehash old arguments, or constantly worry about what could go wrong.
But a thriving relationship needs a healthy dose of positive focus—consciously choosing to see the good in your partner and your relationship, rather than fixating on the bad.
This doesn't mean ignoring problems or pretending they don't exist. It simply means balancing the negative with the positive. It means actively looking for things to appreciate about your partner and expressing that appreciation.
#6 - Authenticity and vulnerability
Believe it or not, being "too nice" can be a problem.
In the pursuit of a "perfect" relationship, some of you may make the mistake of trying to be someone they're not. You might suppress your own needs, hide your true feelings, or pretend to be okay with things you’re not.
But genuine connection can't thrive in an environment of pretense. Great relationships involve two authentic individuals who allow themselves to have needs and rely on each other.
Don't be afraid to be vulnerable and be the one getting support when you need it, rather than pushing your own needs to the back burner. It's a two-way street; just as you want to be there for your partner, they want to be there for you, too.
#7 - Lifelong curiosity
Here's a secret to a truly thriving, long-lasting relationship: never stop being curious.
Years may pass and routines may have settled in, but remember that people will never stop evolving—just as you’re no longer the same person from before.
And that’s a beautiful thing! It means there’s always something new to discover, new depths to explore, and new ways to connect.
So, stay curious. Keep asking questions, keep listening deeply, and keep rediscovering the person you love.
It takes two to tango
Building and maintaining a strong, long-lasting relationship isn’t something one person can do alone.
It takes two, plain and simple.
Both partners need to bring mutual effort, understanding, and commitment to the table. It's a team effort, a partnership in the truest sense of the word. And when you work together, that’s where your relationship will thrive for years to come.